Part of my healthy lifestyle includes exploring my emotions and creating rituals for self care. It’s not just the food I make and the physical activity I enjoy. It took me awhile to learn this. I spent 10 years trying to achieve wellness & vitality through the physical plane while also trying to numb out my emotional & spiritual pain. And I’ve only spent the last 2 years healing my deeper wounds. I’m still learning and growing. I think I will be still learning and growing forever…
Something that I enjoy learning and growing from are Jator Pierre’s videos on YouTube. The one above is about being a beast. I love that! I feel like I’m feeding my inner wolf. I am feeding her my needs and desires! It took me a couple weeks of journaling to finish fully exploring all the questions in his video. I kept getting caught up on my needs & desires for intimacy. Mostly because I have spend the last 10 plus years telling myself I didn’t need a partner. That I am too weird to find a partner. Then put up walls and armor to protect me, all while wanting a partner. Trying to suppress my inner wolf. My weight has been that armor and I’ve known that for at least 6 years. Although I have lost 55 pounds, I feel like I am still keeping on the chain mail of 20 ish pounds. What if I have to throw back on my armor again fast!?! That’s what I did 6 years ago when I last weighed this amount.
When I had to answer the question of what are the consequences if I got what I wanted and what would happen if I didn’t… fear crept it. Getting what I want, which is a partner, is unknown. I don’t know what that would look or feel like. Everything would just stay the same if I didn’t get what I wanted. I would have plenty of time with my friends and family whom I love. I would get to travel anywhere I wanted. I would have the career I love and that fulfills me. Lots of time for me to play. No change = safe. So I kept putting up blocks and creating sabotage all while wishing I had someone to share moments, ideas, and love with. But I am ready to take off my chain mail and be vulnerable in exploring the unknown. (Which includes writing this post…. icky, I feel vulnerable writing this!)
So what did I do next. I am taking his advice and started checking in. And not just with my goal to remove my love chain mail; but also for my goals for my business, family & friends, to travel, to get my finances in order, and to live life magically! I found a book call the dreambook planner:
“The Rituals for Living Dreambook is a place for you to dream, craft, and forge new rituals. It helps you clarify and emphasize your true priorities, and establish a plan to bring them to the forefront of your life. It guides you to find enjoyment and specialness every step of the way. And it reminds you not to sacrifice your physical, psychological, or spiritual health as you start achieving goals like never before.The Dreambook helps you commit to your short- and long-term goals, personal growth, and whole health through creative processes, mind mapping, visioning, planning sessions, and a weekly boot camp. It also has space to journal along the way and reflect on your accomplishments. The Dreambook+Planner also incorporates a full 12-month, week-by-week calendar to keep yourself on track.”
There were pages of questions to answer in the front. And the first question is what am I longing for most in my life. For me that is a partnership filled with love, laughter, travel, play… and sex. Or maybe it’s sex with my partner that is filled with love, laughter, and play while traveling?
I’ve been incorporating it into my morning ritual for a couple week, which is reading my daily meditation, journaling, the dreambook, and myofascial unwinding; but I have really been enjoying it. You can get a sample here: dreambook.vision/ebook/ Then at the end of the day I enjoy checking off everything Ive done after my evening ritual of yoga and reading.
Through all of this I have brought my awareness to what is important to me. What I can do to remove blocks that Ive created in my life. And most importantly helping me grow and live a life that I love! I hope through this awareness I can keep these rituals and keep growing. That I am brave enough to keep asking the question: “Is this bringing me closer to my goals?”
*What is on my nightstand right now: On the right is: healing ancient wounds, the bible, journey to the heart, angel therapy cards. On the left is a cat named sage, the orange binder is the PDF printout of the dreambook, journal/letters to my twin flame, regular journal, shamanic journeying journal, and the last one is when I want to burn what I wrote immediately. Which for me represents me giving a problem over to God.