This past year my healing has taken me on a journey to balance the masculine and feminine within myself. To heal any past wounds from both the masculine and feminine. Most of which happen when we are children. The quote that guides me into deep parts of my healing is this:
“A woman’s highest calling is to lead a man to his soul, so as to unite him with Source. Her lowest calling is to seduce, separating man from his soul and leave him aimlessly wandering. A man’s highest calling is to protect women, so she is free to walk the earth unharmed. Man’s lowest calling is to ambush and force his way into the life of a woman.”
I’ve appreciated that quote for many years in relationship to a partnership. However, I realized it affects us more deeply than that. Now I change that to “A feminine’s highest calling is to lead the masculine to their soul, so as to unite them with source. The masculine’s highest calling is to protect the feminine, so they may walk the earth unharmed.” And the reason I make those changes is that we are both masculine and feminine. We may feel more masculine or feminine dominated, yet we still all have both divine and wounded masculine and feminine parts within us.
The balance between the masculine and feminine in a massage therapist
So first before I dive down the rabbit hole, let me describe how that comes into my interactions with clients. As a massage therapist, I first step into the masculine side. I need to make sure my clients feel safe and comfortable. Because people need to feel safe to let go and really heal. And my lowest calling in this space would think I know what is best and to push my perceptions onto the client and their truth. It may be my truth in my own healing and experiences, but I trust in my client’s inner knowing of their body. Every person has their own unique path to healing. Then I can step into my feminine. That gentle healing and caring touch. Bringing awareness into not into the body but also the emotions held in that space. My lowest calling would be to convince a client into services they do not want or feel like they need. Or to not act ethically when it comes to transference and countertransference.
The balance between the masculine and feminine in a doula
When I step into the role of doula the balance becomes a little different. I am not the only person in the room with the birthing mother. Plus there are certain boundaries with hospital staff I cannot cross. I cannot tell the doctor not to do something just because you stated it in your birth plan. I can only bring your awareness to it so you or your partner can stop them. So when I step into the role of doula I stand in the feminine. I help guide and lead you into trusting the mother’s own body. Trusting that she knows what is best. Then at the birth, using a caring and healing touch to help comfort the mother. Remind her she is strong enough to birth her baby. Before the birth I also stand in the feminine for the partner. My goal is to guide the father to step into his masculine role at the birth. To protect the mother. It is very hard to see the woman you love in so much pain. But the father is not there to protect the mother from pain. He is there to protect and defend the boundaries that she wants for the birth. So if she doesn’t want an epidural, and the doctors are trying to push and force her into doing something she has said she does not want, the masculine stand and says no.
The balance between the masculine and feminine within the self
Down the rabbit hole we go! In my experience of myself, I thought I was more masculine dominated, but as I began to explore and heal those parts of myself it was that it didn’t feel safe to express and stand in my feminine. So my masculine locked the feminine in a cage to her safe. So I had so much healing to do with my wounded masculine. And as the outer world is a reflection of our inner world I kept attracting people who did not accept me or wanted to lock parts of me away. The more I started to accept all my quirks and parts of me I hid away, which was then reflected as I starting feeling more accepted by my friends, family, and even clients.
I read a blog about this quote many years ago. It was written by a man and when giving an example of how women should not be seducing men, he gave the example of women who dress sexy. And continued to shame women over sex. My perception is he, at that moment, was standing in his wounded masculine. He was pushing and forcing his way upon women. Saying how women should be acting and dressing. Women usually dress either to feel good about themselves and to express their own unique style. Women usually dress for other women more often than they dress for men. There is a scene in American gods that really spoke to me about the wounded relationship between the masculine and feminine. I could not find the whole clip but here are parts: www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3EOoo7KgBlg9KuDwAxBOnA6sA0AK6_5Z
My perception is we need this balance now more than ever. Because as women are rising and wanting a change and to feel safe and not to have men push their will upon us, we should be rising is the divine not the wounded. And as men are reacting to women, they too can stand in their divine instead of wounded. I am not done with my journey to explore these parts of myself. I’m sure I will still be doing this kind of spiritual work when I am as old as that couple in the above picture. Please share in your experiences so we may grow and heal together.